Believe it or not, society plays a role in all relationships regardless of them being good or bad. You might be in a healthy relationship but because of the standards set by society, others begin to question why you haven’t married by now. You might be the most successful business man or woman, but if you’re single, people might begin to wonder what’s wrong with you. Expectations are sometimes created out of conformity and what may be in the best interest of others, not you. We live where the gray does not exist, only black and white. There is no in-between and when you do step out of the box, only those who are just like you, recognize you. This is where cliques are created because at that point, they realize that they are not the only ones who feel a way…there are many more just like them. If we as a community continue to allow ourselves to be judged not by who we are as individuals but by materials, races, religious followings and so on, we will continue to be the enemy to ourselves. It’s not always others who kill us but rather ourselves.
Expectations kill the vibe of genuine behavior when it comes to dating. If I’m an independent woman, I might have to shy down and make myself a little more dependent so that I don’t intimidate a man but not to the extreme where he might feel I have no backbone. If I’m too passive or if I come off as if I can’t do for myself, he might call me a “gold-digger.”
If I’m a man, I am able to read in between the lines and mixed communications because, well…I should know what all women want by now. And during our first date, I am supposed to lust after a woman to express my “Alpha-side” but not in a dog’sh way. Being passive or a “Beta,” might cause you to question my sexuality. Overly complimenting you might cause you to believe that I am more into you or “thirsty.”
If I am transgender, then you are expecting me to pick a side and stick to it. I am not able to display towards any specific gender or orientation too strongly or else you will refer to me as seeking attention. I might not be able to relate directly to your emotions and so forgive me for not conveying my words properly when trying to explain myself. If I cannot identify in a way that you are able to understand and accept, then I might be labeled “confused.“
When it comes to relations, I find it very difficult to have any expectations because I’ve learned in the past, those things will get me disappointed every time. You make it really hard to just be myself and allow the energy of people that gravitate towards to me, to enjoy what they have. Instead, when you’re around, I feel as though I need validation of my character and value. I am not myself when you are here and this hurts me. When we go out and I pull out money to pay because I don’t want you to feel I’m super independent, you feel disrespected and embarrassed. Am I required to put out if you pay for the dates, as a thank you card to show my appreciation?
I am inferior to you Society and I hope you can see the pain and doubt inside of me. I am never pretty enough to you as the IG models. My pants are always a size too small in your eyes and when I tell you that I love the body I am in, you scoff. My natural hair is never straight enough for you. Is that why you suggest the Brazilian types of weaves and wigs when you see me scrolling on social media? Society! Why am I never good enough for you?! When I open up my heart and tell you how I feel, you tell me I’m being moving too fast and you need some space.
This letter is probably the only time when I have felt the most at ease and myself. I deserve to live life without feeling NOT pretty, NOT wanted and NOT valued. With you, I have realized that for as long as I continue to expect different from you, I will continue to disappoint myself because this is who you are. Never again will I seek your approval to feel accepted in the eyes of anyone but myself and hopefully by time you get this letter, you will no longer be a reason in my life. Society, it’s not you that I love, it’s Me.
-The Fire Jayde